Home Sweet Home?

Well its been an awful long time since i sat to write. My life has been one long rollercoaster of crap dragging us down, but somehow we made it out on top! So in August, our rental agency gave us a 60 day notice to move out, and let me tell you, i was stressed beyond words! I looked at my apartment manager, filled with tears in my eyes, and asked him ” What did we do wrong?! Why do we have to move? We didnt plan on moving for a few years, and planned on renewing the lease!” he gave me no reason, just said that we werent being evicted, they just werent renewing our lease. well, fuck… so i cried for a few days, while frantically looking for a place to move. We looked everywhere from Oceanside, to Chula Vista, and i started to panic… what if we didnt find a place in time? and how the hell will we afford this move in the first place?! we only ever move at tax season because thats when we can afford to move. so anyways, long story short, I finally found us a place! The most perect place I could ever imagine! I FOUND US A HOUSE!!! IN SOLANA BEACH NONETHELESS!!!!!

Well, last week we officially moved in, stressed about everything. Technically we still have the apartment til the end of the month, but the house is much closer to my husbands work (OHMYGOD DID I JUST SAY HOUSE?!?!) so we are here from now on. But man, a lot comes with renting a house! water bills, exterminator bills to kill and get rid of all the poisonus spiders, higher electric bill…. just wow.

Anyways, since moving in, we have been trying so hard to get the house just the way we like it (meaning I have to unpack and reorganize anything that my husband or his mother puts away) because we are trying to get the house in order before my husbands birthday on next saturday, because we are planning on having a housewarming/birthday party on that day so that the whole family can come see our new HOUSE!!!! EEEPP!!!!

Ive gotta say, never in a million years did i think, that at the age of 25 (okay okay 27) id be living in a house, WITH NO ROOMMATES! Oh My God… WE DID IT!!! We reached the goal of being able to raise our son in a house, an actual house! The best part is that we know the rental agency that is renting to us, and they are just as determined as we are to have us stay here for many years to come, well at least til we can buy our own house.

Anyways, besides the move, life has been pretty interesting to say the least. Hubs has decided that he wants to be a truck driver, and i think i finally know what i wanna be… a Respiratory Therapist for Children, so pretty soon here ill be starting online classes, but not until hubs starts his new job, so that we know we can financially afford me going to school, and possibly daycare for any classes that are an on campus requirement. I am just so shocked, and happy, and excited, and EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED!!! The kiddo is hitting the terrible twos, and driving me insane!!!! he has been refusing everything that i cook, when normally he loves my cooking, no matter what it is! tonight he refused to eat his absolute afve, mac and cheese with crispy hot dogs!!! instead he snuck in the kitchen, got in the fridge and grabbed an uncrustables… pb&j…really kid??? peanut butter and freaking jelly! uggghhhh!!!!! and last night, he refused to eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes as well!!!! like seriously this kid is starving himself… but then again when i was around his age the only things I ate were McNuggets and French Fries, so i kinda get it. so, he wins this round. hopefully he gets back to the fruit and veggie loving toddler that i adore lol. (not that I dont adore him now, because I will always adore him, hes just too darn cute to stay angry with lol)

 

Okay Guys, I think thats all for tonight, im exhausted, and weird bugs are landing on my shirt, so its time to escape into the house and sit in front of my cozy new FIREPLACE!!!! While I mindlessly crochet…something… i dunno… ill find something to do..fireplace

 

Night all, and dont forget….

Live, Laugh, Love, Always.

 

Heartache

As I lay back on my couch, with my lovable cat Icarus, I can’t help but cry. I miss my mom so much, I feel like God knew that she wasn’t going to be alive much longer, so he sent me Icarus. He has been so loving, the perfect emotional support kitty. For the past few hours he has been laying with me, keeping his paws on my chest, cheeks or head, just showing me love, telling me that she’s here with me always, that he sees her here with us. Sometimes I’ll be laying with him and he just looks up towards my moms urn like he’s communicating with someone, and I just know her spirit is up there, choosing that spot so that I know it’s her. You can choose to disagree, but these things are what gets me through the days where I just want to collapse to the ground and cry my eyes out, these are the things that keep me from the agony of losing my mommy, the pain and heartache of not having my mom there watching my kids grow up. She had her issues, but she was my world. My rock. She was the strongest woman I knew. She conquered more than most can even think of coming close to battling. She was my SUPERMOM. I love you mom, and I miss you, so so much. I will never forget you, and I know you will always be with me, until the day that I die, and I know you will be there waiting for me with open arms, whole again, perfect, pain free, and just fabulous. I love you mommy. Forever and ever. 

Rest In Paradise 😭

Well, these past few weeks have been extremely rough to say the least. On May 6th at 2:02 pm, my mother left this earth to go live with The Lord and our passed family members. Being the eldest child, (and honestly the only child who gives a shit) it all fell on me to have her memorial at my home, which mostly consisted of my close friends who called her mom. I had to pay for my mothers cremation and her urn and a keepsake necklace (both pictured below). Well the storm of emotions are just starting to settle, and tomorrow… Tomorrow is the day that I pick up my mothers remains, and I swear you would think she’s made of gold! “Oh I need some of her ashes, oh wait no I should get all of her ashes, oh but she promised me I could have some of her ashes when she died”. Are you fucking kidding me?! First off, I don’t have to give anyone a damn thing, she was MY MOTHER!!! She wanted to be made in to a bio tree alongside my grandmother (her mother) when she passes. So no, you don’t get half of her ashes for some dumb shit, her ashes will remain in my possession until my husband and I buy our own home, then her and my grandma will be planted in our backyard. 

The necklace pictured is a sample of what mine will be, except its sterling silver, and it will be my moms fingerprint. They are also giving me the hard copy of her whole hand of finger prints (which one might become a tattoo in the future)

This was the urn that I was drawn to as soon as I walked in to the room filled with sample urns. I was with my best friend Joe, and I walked straight to it. I knew that was the one for her. I looked at the other samples but no, I wanted, she needed that one. It fits her, she loved being around the water, and she was always such a free spirit, it was meant for her, and I made sure that happened. 
I don’t know how I’m gunna handle tomorrow considering it’s almost 5am in San Diego and I’m still trying to get tired. How am I gunna handle holding a metal container filled with my mothers burned up body remains, how can I say, “yeah that’s my mom in there on that shelf.” I just don’t know how I’m gunna do. I’m so grateful that my bestie will be by my side tomorrow and be here to help not only cope with all of this but help me with my kiddo, he doesn’t like seeing mommy cry or get upset so my bestie distracts him in his bedroom with building blocks when I have a meltdown. 

I just have to stay strong, that’s what she would want, is for me to learn from her mistakes and be the best mommy and wife I can possibly be. I’m working on it, it’s my biggest goal, to be the best me for my family, to make her proud up there seeing that I made it, I succeeded, I got everything she ever wanted for me, a wonderful husband, two beautiful sons, and in the future someday a beautiful daughter. 

I’m gunna make it mom! We will celebrate you, and fight for what you always dreamt for us! Ih and p.s. Mom, I think we were closer than the Gilmore Girls ;)Forever And Always, In My Heart ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

This is where my mom was most happy ever, cuddled up with little prince, watching super why, reading books, taking naps. I’m so glad that I have this photo, it is truly the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She was born to be an amazing grandma and she fullfilled both goals ❤️


This is us on Mothers Day 2015, it was such a hard day, she had just gotten out of the hospital and admitted to rehabilitation for leg strength and learning how to eat again etc from being in a coma for 3-4 months, she wasn’t feeling well so I went and bought her a simple black outfit so we had some nice pictures, they made her day! The day started with her depressed and hair matted and needing to shower but unable to get any kind of clean except a sponge bath 😦 but she was so happy to take family photos! I’m glad that made her day. I’ll never forget it. 

The Fear of Baby #2

Okay, so lately me and the hubs have been trying to have baby number two, and as I start to actually think about what all it means to be a mother of two, i start to panic. I’m not so much scared of the birth, or being able to handle terrible twos and having a newborn.  No, what I’m scared of most is that I wont be enough, that my Son wont feel like he is as loved as he is now, or that I wont be able to give my all, instead be giving each child 50%, and for me that is terrifying! I never want my son or future kids to ever feel that if their siblings weren’t born that maybe id love them more. My son means so freaking much to me! Some of you don’t know this but my two-year old is not my first child, I actually have an almost 9-year-old, but I chose Adoption as I was just too young. But see the difference is, I didn’t raise him, I didnt have two children in my home. I have always been a mother of two but my firstborn is simply not with me, and I’m glad that he has the life that he does. Anyways, I saw  my second child as a chance to prove that I could be and would be an amazing mother, but this overwhelming fear I have just wont quit! It makes me want to scoop up little spencer and bring him in to my room to cuddle, it makes me want to just hold him and kiss him and squeeze him. I can’t be the only mother with this fear right? I just want to know that I am giving all of my children 100%, not dividing it up among them. They deserve 100%, I just need to reassure myself that this life was made for me, I am meant to be a kick-ass mother and wife, I am meant to stay home and raise my family, I am meant to be a mother, wife, teacher, nurse, counselor, chef, and every other title that comes with being a Stay-At-Home Mom/Wife, and that is exactly what I will be, whether I have one child, or the 4 that me and hubs talk about 🙂 I am SuperWoman!

Little religious rant/ prayer requests

So I spoke with my uncle today, his father is 90 years old (he is my “self adopted uncle, not blood, might as well be.) and has had major memory issues and they think he needs to get put in to a home to keep him safe. He recently was in a car accident, he hit the guard rail. He doesn’t remember anything that happened, doesn’t remember even why he was driving. They revoked his license and he will be in a “retirement home” in the next few months. please keep our family in your prayers.
My Uncle has asked me and Luke to move in to his dads house with him because he cannot manage staying there alone, as he helps us with bills, and it would be cheaper to have us live with him and help him maintain the home as well as his dads elderly pets since im a stay at home mom. Im so glad to be moving in to a house, but its very VERY bittersweet as its only happening because of what has happened with his dad.
please pray that The Lord leads this, and shows us what needs to happen. I love my Uncle Steve like a father, he has been in my life since i was 13, my best friend at the time was his God-Daughter, and he became close friends with my mom and my aunt angie, and he has always been supportive for me both emotionally, and financially when possible. I feel so badly for him that this is happening to his father, but I know with us there to help him and keep him company, he wont become depressed or lonely, as he will have my husband to talk guy stuff with, and me to talk emotions with, and all three of us to be there for him if he needs us. 
Romans 8:31

If God is for us, then who can be against us?
My favorite Scripture, it fits for almost every situation you could possibly come across. God is bigger than all of this, and our lives and our future is in His hands, our choices are made after praying on it, and praying together, and discussing things over together. Me and my Husband converted to Mormonism, and Ill tell you it is the first time I ever felt welcome the first day walking in. They care about one another, and they bring you meals if you are injured or sick. When i was pregnant with Spencer, the Relief Society brought me meals, both Lunch and Dinner for myself and my Husband. After I had Spencer, he got sick and i made one phone call and one of the wonderful ladies in the R.S. brought me a nose freida, and baby tylenol to lower his fever, and pedialyte to help with electrolytes. When people think of Mormons, they think of “Having 7 Wives”, and “Bigotry” and claim that its a Cult. The things that I have learned, is that it is so muh like christianity with minor differences. I still believe that The Lord is my Savior, and that he sent us His Son, Jesus Christ to Wipe away our sins, and that His love is Forever, and He forgives us of our sins, and is always listening to us. I may get judged by what religion I am, but you know what? I really dont care. I am not the type of person to judge anyone by who they are, whether its color of skin, where you come from, what your sexual orientation is, or what religion you follow, The Lord says in Mark 12:30-32:
“And you shall love The Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ 31″The second is this, ‘you shall love thy neighbor as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 32 The scribe said to Him, “Right, Teacher; You have truly stated that He is one, and there is no one else besides Him.”
If you have questions, I’m an open book and I will answer them to the best of my ability, and if I don’t have an answer, I will get one for you as soon as possible, and I request if you have any judgement to please keep it to yourself, I have and will block anyone who puts me down or attacks me because of my PERSONAL beliefs, I dont question any one of you or your beliefs, so I expect the same courtesy. Also for anyone saying that Im pushing beliefs on my child, you could not be more wrong. When my son tells me he wants to look in to other churches, I am more than willing to take him to whatever services he wants to go to, his religion is his choice, I will however take him to church until he decides that he doesnt agree with what they say, not that he doesnt want to go because he would rather play etc. anyways. im done ranting. Have a wonderful night. 
 John 13:34-35

“…That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

*** If anyone would like to discuss things you don’t quite understand about the Mormon Religion, please feel free to message me here and I will send you my email address.***

God Bless and thank you all for reading. 

All Lives Matter. #EndRacism 

As I sit here eating dinner with my son, and watching his new favorite movie Cars, I can’t help but feel terrified for my child, and the world he is growing up in. I love my sons more than anything in this world (first born is not living with me but I’ll get to that at another date), and I can’t help but feel like I did them wrong by choosing to conceive and bring them in to this totally fucked up world. Now don’t get me wrong, my children are the absolute best thing to ever happen to me. I just wish that this world had more to offer them. 

This is all stemming from my husbands recent decision to become a police officer. Once he puts on that uniform he is an instant target, it doesn’t matter if he’s one of the good guys, or if he has a family and kids at home, all they see is a blue uniform, the “enemy”. It takes everything I’ve got not to beg him to choose another path, but this is what he wants. 

I know I’ll probably get a lot of crap for this, but I’m so damn sick of the Black Lives Matter Movement! It’s racism! White people are not the only ones who can be racist, people! I’ve seen rallies in my home town where there are friends of mine who are white supporting the cause, and they get kicked out and banned because of the color of their skin, when they are fighting for the BLM movement. Don’t you guys get it? It’s RACISM!!! The way I see it, ALL LIVES MATTER! It doesn’t matter what color skin you have, or where you were born, everyone matters, not just Blacks or Whites, or Mexicans or Asians. We are all people and we all deserve equality damnit! When we as a people finally realize that, I think that this world will be a much better place. I have friends who watched me grow up, watched me build myself up from living on the streets, watched me get kicked out at 15 by my mother who was strung out on meth, watched me fight to get to where I am today, and those people who watched me struggle still say I’m “privileged”. How is that privilege? I had it harder than most of the teens I knew growing up, I didn’t choose the life I had, I was dealt a shitty hand but I made it to where I am not because the color of my skin, but because of the determination in my heart and soul, I conquered it all, I dug myself out, I didn’t have rich parents to help me, I didn’t have family that would help. Hell even the family that could help, wouldn’t help. I was judged by my mothers life choices but I never let that control me, I never let that determine who I would be. In fact, watching what my mom lived thru made me even more determined to be someone that my great grandfather could and would be proud of. I went back to school and graduated on my own, I lived on the streets but with the help of my husband we got it to where we are now not because of the color of our skin, but because of the fight, determination, and willingness to do whatever it took to be self reliant and not have to slum it. 

Anyways my point is, just because someone is white skinned, or black skinned, that DOES NOT determine who you will be, you just have to fight for what you want in life, have the willingness to do whatever it takes to be the person you want to be! Don’t let anyone tell you any different, because in this life, you can be whatever you dream to be as long as you put in the work to get there. 
ALL LIVES MATTER.

No race is better than the other, we are all created equally, and if we want to get somewhere in life, we need to respect everyone, not just those of certain ethnicity. 
Live laugh love always ❤️

Young Living- Spaghetti Sauce Recipe

 

~Young Living Infused Spaghetti Sauce~

(**Please Read bottom for list of allergy warnings**)

 

Ingredients:

 

Tools Needed for Recipe:

Nutribullet or Blender, Large Pot, Large Skillet, Spatula, Large Spoon.

 

Directions:

  • Cook ground beef and diced onions in large skillet, start boiling pasta water.
  • Once water is at a boil, bring heat down to medium and add salt, EVOO, and pasta to water and stir ( stir occasionally to keep from sticking
  • Drain can of diced tomatoes
  • Place spaghetti sauce and diced tomatoes in to blender/nutribullet, blend until smooth, but not watery
  • Open blender/nutribullet and add ONE DROP of both Young Living Oils, place top back on and blend for 10 seconds
  • Once the ground beef and onions are fully cooked, pour and stir in your sauce
  • Drain cooked pasta, and either mix sauce in or add sauce on top of each plate (personal preference) and enjoy!!!

 

 

Disclaimer:

This information is intended for educational purposes only. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness or injury should consult with a physician.

 

Allergy Warnings:

The oils in this recipe contain Oregano, Basil and Thyme, if you are allergic to any of these, please DO NOT use this recipe.

 

~:Live Every Moment, Laugh Every Day, Love Beyond Words:~

 

     

 

 

 

meal planning? meh

So, with our tax money this year we decided to buy a SECOND Deep Freezer, but this one is upright. So the reasoning behind the deep freeze is because I’m trying to lower the cost of groceries monthly. We get the basic groceries from our church, and i buy the rest, so with the food from the church i plan to make like 10-15 different meal-in-a-bags, and at least 2 of each different meal, and I also plan on making very large pots of food, to use like TV dinners but home made for the microwave to make meals easier on me when I’m in a fibro flare. Well I ordered a bunch of freezer safe Tupperware that prevents freezer burn, and of course USPS totally screws up and takes my package back to the post office, yet they had no problem leaving my Fit Bit package in the pouring rain. ugh i swear! Anyways so now the meal planning is post-poned til next week, and i made all this Spaghetti for dinner tonight and have to stick it in a ziploc until i get the Tupperware next week. Well that’s pretty much the excitement of the week! see ya later!

Live Laugh Love Always!!!

( I’ll add links to my recipes later )

Reunited!!

So today started off pretty lame lol, Drs appts, pain, the usual. One majorly happy thing happened tho, I got to see my cousins that I haven’t seen in years! It was so nice visiting with them and hanging out chatting about our lives, catching up, I can’t wait til summer when we can have pool parties and hang out by the pool teaching my son how to swim 🙂

Anyways, so I finally got the yarn that I needed to finish my nieces blanket and I can’t wait til I can finally mail off the completed blankets that I made for my Florida family, now I just gotta figure out what to make my BIL, SIL, and FIL.

As you get older, you really start to realize how important it is to be close to your family and let them know how much they mean to you. Just because you grow up doesn’t mean that you ever grow apart, they a are still your family, and family is everything so make sure that you don’t take any moment for granted, tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure that you spend as much time as possible with those who you love, whether it’s blood, by marriage, or friends who you consider family. 

Well, back to crocheting away!!!
~: Live Life, Laugh Lots, and LOVE ALWAYS!!!❤️❤️❤️ :~

Girl Scout Cookies are evil!

Okay so we finally get our tax return, and the first thing I do is hunt down people with cookies! Thank Heavens for Facebook Sales groups!!! Hahaha

I swear it’s no coincidence that tax season= Girl Scout Cookie Season… It was planned so that when people have lots of money it goes to the delicious little thin mints, or my new fave, toffee tastic with Nutella on top 😉

Man there are so many things we need to get with tax money, and every year it’s not enough :-/ we need new furniture because well, this is a picture of the arm rest… 😱😱😱 

 yes that’s right… Wooden looking duct tape haha. My son when he started teething would get on the couch and chew on the arm rest, and we would find little bits of the couch in his poop lol. It worked! He stopped chewing on it!!! 

Oh, back to the list of tax return purchases. I was going to get a Fitbit but decided cookies were far more satisfying haha! Well hubs is finally coming to the dark side and getting an iPhone 6+, he wanted the 6s+ but I reminded him that if he waits he can get the 7 for his bday in sept 😉 so he’s settling so we can both get the 7 when it gets released. More Apple products we are getting, I’m getting a MacBook for school, I swear I have the absolute worst luck when it comes to computers and I always end up having a slow ass piece of junk, so I’m also including AppleCare like a smarty. ( all our Apple stuff has Apple care cuz, why the hell not) 

What else? OH YEAH!!! gotta spend like a bunch of money on Young Living Essential oils, hubs uses a blend in a spray bottle for his hair to help it grow and not get frizzy, ( my YL recipes will be added somewhere on my page eventually, check out the seed to seal info here) and I gotta re-up on the cold buster ( diffuse 4 drops of each thieves, RC, and peace and calming at bedtime )for my son, he’s getting his first real cold since birth so I wanna knock that out asap. We also gotta get baby gates cuz my smarty little fruit loop has learned to knock over the one that stands alone, so we gotta get wall mounted ones. Hmm. I think that’s it. But it’s all so darn pricey! Oh and we r paying off some debt too 🙂
Anywho, thanks for reading my crazy rant haha! 

Live❤️Laugh❤️Love Always 👍🏼