Home Sweet Home?

Well its been an awful long time since i sat to write. My life has been one long rollercoaster of crap dragging us down, but somehow we made it out on top! So in August, our rental agency gave us a 60 day notice to move out, and let me tell you, i was stressed beyond words! I looked at my apartment manager, filled with tears in my eyes, and asked him ” What did we do wrong?! Why do we have to move? We didnt plan on moving for a few years, and planned on renewing the lease!” he gave me no reason, just said that we werent being evicted, they just werent renewing our lease. well, fuck… so i cried for a few days, while frantically looking for a place to move. We looked everywhere from Oceanside, to Chula Vista, and i started to panic… what if we didnt find a place in time? and how the hell will we afford this move in the first place?! we only ever move at tax season because thats when we can afford to move. so anyways, long story short, I finally found us a place! The most perect place I could ever imagine! I FOUND US A HOUSE!!! IN SOLANA BEACH NONETHELESS!!!!!

Well, last week we officially moved in, stressed about everything. Technically we still have the apartment til the end of the month, but the house is much closer to my husbands work (OHMYGOD DID I JUST SAY HOUSE?!?!) so we are here from now on. But man, a lot comes with renting a house! water bills, exterminator bills to kill and get rid of all the poisonus spiders, higher electric bill…. just wow.

Anyways, since moving in, we have been trying so hard to get the house just the way we like it (meaning I have to unpack and reorganize anything that my husband or his mother puts away) because we are trying to get the house in order before my husbands birthday on next saturday, because we are planning on having a housewarming/birthday party on that day so that the whole family can come see our new HOUSE!!!! EEEPP!!!!

Ive gotta say, never in a million years did i think, that at the age of 25 (okay okay 27) id be living in a house, WITH NO ROOMMATES! Oh My God… WE DID IT!!! We reached the goal of being able to raise our son in a house, an actual house! The best part is that we know the rental agency that is renting to us, and they are just as determined as we are to have us stay here for many years to come, well at least til we can buy our own house.

Anyways, besides the move, life has been pretty interesting to say the least. Hubs has decided that he wants to be a truck driver, and i think i finally know what i wanna be… a Respiratory Therapist for Children, so pretty soon here ill be starting online classes, but not until hubs starts his new job, so that we know we can financially afford me going to school, and possibly daycare for any classes that are an on campus requirement. I am just so shocked, and happy, and excited, and EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED!!! The kiddo is hitting the terrible twos, and driving me insane!!!! he has been refusing everything that i cook, when normally he loves my cooking, no matter what it is! tonight he refused to eat his absolute afve, mac and cheese with crispy hot dogs!!! instead he snuck in the kitchen, got in the fridge and grabbed an uncrustables… pb&j…really kid??? peanut butter and freaking jelly! uggghhhh!!!!! and last night, he refused to eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes as well!!!! like seriously this kid is starving himself… but then again when i was around his age the only things I ate were McNuggets and French Fries, so i kinda get it. so, he wins this round. hopefully he gets back to the fruit and veggie loving toddler that i adore lol. (not that I dont adore him now, because I will always adore him, hes just too darn cute to stay angry with lol)

 

Okay Guys, I think thats all for tonight, im exhausted, and weird bugs are landing on my shirt, so its time to escape into the house and sit in front of my cozy new FIREPLACE!!!! While I mindlessly crochet…something… i dunno… ill find something to do..fireplace

 

Night all, and dont forget….

Live, Laugh, Love, Always.

 

Heartache

As I lay back on my couch, with my lovable cat Icarus, I can’t help but cry. I miss my mom so much, I feel like God knew that she wasn’t going to be alive much longer, so he sent me Icarus. He has been so loving, the perfect emotional support kitty. For the past few hours he has been laying with me, keeping his paws on my chest, cheeks or head, just showing me love, telling me that she’s here with me always, that he sees her here with us. Sometimes I’ll be laying with him and he just looks up towards my moms urn like he’s communicating with someone, and I just know her spirit is up there, choosing that spot so that I know it’s her. You can choose to disagree, but these things are what gets me through the days where I just want to collapse to the ground and cry my eyes out, these are the things that keep me from the agony of losing my mommy, the pain and heartache of not having my mom there watching my kids grow up. She had her issues, but she was my world. My rock. She was the strongest woman I knew. She conquered more than most can even think of coming close to battling. She was my SUPERMOM. I love you mom, and I miss you, so so much. I will never forget you, and I know you will always be with me, until the day that I die, and I know you will be there waiting for me with open arms, whole again, perfect, pain free, and just fabulous. I love you mommy. Forever and ever. 

The Fear of Baby #2

Okay, so lately me and the hubs have been trying to have baby number two, and as I start to actually think about what all it means to be a mother of two, i start to panic. I’m not so much scared of the birth, or being able to handle terrible twos and having a newborn.  No, what I’m scared of most is that I wont be enough, that my Son wont feel like he is as loved as he is now, or that I wont be able to give my all, instead be giving each child 50%, and for me that is terrifying! I never want my son or future kids to ever feel that if their siblings weren’t born that maybe id love them more. My son means so freaking much to me! Some of you don’t know this but my two-year old is not my first child, I actually have an almost 9-year-old, but I chose Adoption as I was just too young. But see the difference is, I didn’t raise him, I didnt have two children in my home. I have always been a mother of two but my firstborn is simply not with me, and I’m glad that he has the life that he does. Anyways, I saw  my second child as a chance to prove that I could be and would be an amazing mother, but this overwhelming fear I have just wont quit! It makes me want to scoop up little spencer and bring him in to my room to cuddle, it makes me want to just hold him and kiss him and squeeze him. I can’t be the only mother with this fear right? I just want to know that I am giving all of my children 100%, not dividing it up among them. They deserve 100%, I just need to reassure myself that this life was made for me, I am meant to be a kick-ass mother and wife, I am meant to stay home and raise my family, I am meant to be a mother, wife, teacher, nurse, counselor, chef, and every other title that comes with being a Stay-At-Home Mom/Wife, and that is exactly what I will be, whether I have one child, or the 4 that me and hubs talk about 🙂 I am SuperWoman!

Little religious rant/ prayer requests

So I spoke with my uncle today, his father is 90 years old (he is my “self adopted uncle, not blood, might as well be.) and has had major memory issues and they think he needs to get put in to a home to keep him safe. He recently was in a car accident, he hit the guard rail. He doesn’t remember anything that happened, doesn’t remember even why he was driving. They revoked his license and he will be in a “retirement home” in the next few months. please keep our family in your prayers.
My Uncle has asked me and Luke to move in to his dads house with him because he cannot manage staying there alone, as he helps us with bills, and it would be cheaper to have us live with him and help him maintain the home as well as his dads elderly pets since im a stay at home mom. Im so glad to be moving in to a house, but its very VERY bittersweet as its only happening because of what has happened with his dad.
please pray that The Lord leads this, and shows us what needs to happen. I love my Uncle Steve like a father, he has been in my life since i was 13, my best friend at the time was his God-Daughter, and he became close friends with my mom and my aunt angie, and he has always been supportive for me both emotionally, and financially when possible. I feel so badly for him that this is happening to his father, but I know with us there to help him and keep him company, he wont become depressed or lonely, as he will have my husband to talk guy stuff with, and me to talk emotions with, and all three of us to be there for him if he needs us. 
Romans 8:31

If God is for us, then who can be against us?
My favorite Scripture, it fits for almost every situation you could possibly come across. God is bigger than all of this, and our lives and our future is in His hands, our choices are made after praying on it, and praying together, and discussing things over together. Me and my Husband converted to Mormonism, and Ill tell you it is the first time I ever felt welcome the first day walking in. They care about one another, and they bring you meals if you are injured or sick. When i was pregnant with Spencer, the Relief Society brought me meals, both Lunch and Dinner for myself and my Husband. After I had Spencer, he got sick and i made one phone call and one of the wonderful ladies in the R.S. brought me a nose freida, and baby tylenol to lower his fever, and pedialyte to help with electrolytes. When people think of Mormons, they think of “Having 7 Wives”, and “Bigotry” and claim that its a Cult. The things that I have learned, is that it is so muh like christianity with minor differences. I still believe that The Lord is my Savior, and that he sent us His Son, Jesus Christ to Wipe away our sins, and that His love is Forever, and He forgives us of our sins, and is always listening to us. I may get judged by what religion I am, but you know what? I really dont care. I am not the type of person to judge anyone by who they are, whether its color of skin, where you come from, what your sexual orientation is, or what religion you follow, The Lord says in Mark 12:30-32:
“And you shall love The Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ 31″The second is this, ‘you shall love thy neighbor as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 32 The scribe said to Him, “Right, Teacher; You have truly stated that He is one, and there is no one else besides Him.”
If you have questions, I’m an open book and I will answer them to the best of my ability, and if I don’t have an answer, I will get one for you as soon as possible, and I request if you have any judgement to please keep it to yourself, I have and will block anyone who puts me down or attacks me because of my PERSONAL beliefs, I dont question any one of you or your beliefs, so I expect the same courtesy. Also for anyone saying that Im pushing beliefs on my child, you could not be more wrong. When my son tells me he wants to look in to other churches, I am more than willing to take him to whatever services he wants to go to, his religion is his choice, I will however take him to church until he decides that he doesnt agree with what they say, not that he doesnt want to go because he would rather play etc. anyways. im done ranting. Have a wonderful night. 
 John 13:34-35

“…That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

*** If anyone would like to discuss things you don’t quite understand about the Mormon Religion, please feel free to message me here and I will send you my email address.***

God Bless and thank you all for reading. 

meal planning? meh

So, with our tax money this year we decided to buy a SECOND Deep Freezer, but this one is upright. So the reasoning behind the deep freeze is because I’m trying to lower the cost of groceries monthly. We get the basic groceries from our church, and i buy the rest, so with the food from the church i plan to make like 10-15 different meal-in-a-bags, and at least 2 of each different meal, and I also plan on making very large pots of food, to use like TV dinners but home made for the microwave to make meals easier on me when I’m in a fibro flare. Well I ordered a bunch of freezer safe Tupperware that prevents freezer burn, and of course USPS totally screws up and takes my package back to the post office, yet they had no problem leaving my Fit Bit package in the pouring rain. ugh i swear! Anyways so now the meal planning is post-poned til next week, and i made all this Spaghetti for dinner tonight and have to stick it in a ziploc until i get the Tupperware next week. Well that’s pretty much the excitement of the week! see ya later!

Live Laugh Love Always!!!

( I’ll add links to my recipes later )

Girl Scout Cookies are evil!

Okay so we finally get our tax return, and the first thing I do is hunt down people with cookies! Thank Heavens for Facebook Sales groups!!! Hahaha

I swear it’s no coincidence that tax season= Girl Scout Cookie Season… It was planned so that when people have lots of money it goes to the delicious little thin mints, or my new fave, toffee tastic with Nutella on top 😉

Man there are so many things we need to get with tax money, and every year it’s not enough :-/ we need new furniture because well, this is a picture of the arm rest… 😱😱😱 

 yes that’s right… Wooden looking duct tape haha. My son when he started teething would get on the couch and chew on the arm rest, and we would find little bits of the couch in his poop lol. It worked! He stopped chewing on it!!! 

Oh, back to the list of tax return purchases. I was going to get a Fitbit but decided cookies were far more satisfying haha! Well hubs is finally coming to the dark side and getting an iPhone 6+, he wanted the 6s+ but I reminded him that if he waits he can get the 7 for his bday in sept 😉 so he’s settling so we can both get the 7 when it gets released. More Apple products we are getting, I’m getting a MacBook for school, I swear I have the absolute worst luck when it comes to computers and I always end up having a slow ass piece of junk, so I’m also including AppleCare like a smarty. ( all our Apple stuff has Apple care cuz, why the hell not) 

What else? OH YEAH!!! gotta spend like a bunch of money on Young Living Essential oils, hubs uses a blend in a spray bottle for his hair to help it grow and not get frizzy, ( my YL recipes will be added somewhere on my page eventually, check out the seed to seal info here) and I gotta re-up on the cold buster ( diffuse 4 drops of each thieves, RC, and peace and calming at bedtime )for my son, he’s getting his first real cold since birth so I wanna knock that out asap. We also gotta get baby gates cuz my smarty little fruit loop has learned to knock over the one that stands alone, so we gotta get wall mounted ones. Hmm. I think that’s it. But it’s all so darn pricey! Oh and we r paying off some debt too 🙂
Anywho, thanks for reading my crazy rant haha! 

Live❤️Laugh❤️Love Always 👍🏼

Life is stressful

Well my family like most young families just starting out, have been struggling to meet ends meat. So we have been trying to come up with ideas on what we can do to be able to afford our own place, and health care. Sure most companies offer health benefits but the prices are outrageous! For a 3 family home it’s close to 1,000$ per month!!! 

Well my husband came home from work with an idea, to become a San Diego Police Officer. Immediately I started to panic, with all the crap going on and police being killed due to some crooked cops making them all look bad, what if someone hurt my husband, or God forbid, he dies in the line of duty!!! I respect him for wanting to choose such a profession but the thought of possibly losing him terrifies me to the very core. I need insight, ideas and advice. I’m so lost on this, but this would mean financial security for our family, we would never again have to worry how we would pay rent. But I just don’t know. Is it worth it? Is it worth possibly losing my husband because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? Is it worth my son growing up not knowing his father? Is it worth having my son wonder what it would be like if daddy was around? Ugh advice anyone? 

No news is good news? 

It has been so hectic in my family’s lives lately! First off, my husband works as a security guard for company “1”, (not the real name haha) and company 1 has him at a site I’ll call site 1, well site 1 has decided to switch to another company, and for the longest time we were under the impression that would leave him jobless! Well last week we found out that company “2”, the new security company, has decided to hire all the current guards to cut costs on training new guards for this site, so hubs gets to keep his job in a way!!! Yay! Well anyways, they did a background check during the application process and found that he has a suspended drivers license that we never knew about!!!! So now, he has to get rides from coworkers to and from work until we figure out why and how this all happened. The weird part is that he hasn’t had any tickets in YEARS!!! and he recently had a DMV report check from Chevy for our leased Chevy Cruze, and nothing was on it, so now we are wondering if this is possibly a mistake, because my uncle cosigned the lease so we would have a reliable vehicle to take our son places (our old car was a 1988 Mazda piece of junk that was falling apart and only had one rear seatbelt and no front ones, it was a gift from a friend so to speak) safely. Anyways, my uncle has had a suspended license for a year now, so we are wondering if it somehow showed due to that, the only other possibility is that someone lied and used his name when they were stopped. We don’t know what to think about this, it’s been so stressful, him starting this new job had so many more possibilities, but now he can only take the same site 1 that he was at before, and he had wanted to pick up some driving positions and can’t now. I was under the impression that to actually have your license suspended they had to notify you and you had to appear in court and take some class or whatever, but we never got anything in the mail. We are in California, so if anyone in California, if you know anything pertaining to this it would be awesome! We are totally clueless.
On a good note, I am absolutely in love with our recently adopted Icarus😻 I’m in the process of making him a little Crocheted Cat Cubby and it’s coming along great! He already loves it, I finished one side of it and he’s been laying on or under it all night haha!!! (See photo above) he is such a sweet lovey little guy and he has been my comfort thru all of this massive stress, cats are so awesome! 

Well I’m done with my vent for the night. 

Live Life, Laugh Lots, Love Always,

Cassie❤️

Living in “Sunny” San Diego… What a joke

I seriously think Mother Nature got her map confused, it’s supposed to be nice and warm all year round, not so cold where I can see my own breath!!! I so can’t wait til summertime!!!! The new apartment we moved to back in October has a really nice, unheated pool, so this summer we get to teach our little boy how to swim! I seriously wish that there was a jacuzzi, but finding a place with a pool was hard enough, let alone a downstairs unit close to my husbands work, that we could afford! 
Lately we have been thinking about moving tho, closer to my husbands family, and closer to my grandmother. It’s like they got our weather and we got theirs! Moving to Florida would also mean that Spencer would be closer to his cousins and get to grow up with them.  We do have family out here but it is very limited, and we rarely see any of them anyways. But that would mean a huge move, and my husband would need to find a job before we moved so it looks like the move will have to wait until he gets a job that he can transfer to another state. Meh, anyways. 

I’ve been crocheting a little here and there but I still have Christmas presents that I haven’t sent out due to lack of motivation to actually complete them, not that I don’t want my family to have them, I just haven’t been feeling up to crocheting the last one due to a massive fibro flare caused by this insanely cold weather! 

CAN WE JUST GET THE SUN BACK?!?!

-end rant-

~Live~Laugh~Love~

Fibro is a life ruiner

Lately due to the extremely cold san diego weather, I’ve been in a massive constant flare that feels worse than the flu… I just wanna spend time with my family, decorate for Christmas, wrap presents for my son, but fibro has made sure that Christmas doesn’t happen this year for my family. I’m just glad that my son is too young to know the difference. I can’t wait til they find a cure for this horrible life sucking disease so we all can be free of this pain!