Home Sweet Home?

Well its been an awful long time since i sat to write. My life has been one long rollercoaster of crap dragging us down, but somehow we made it out on top! So in August, our rental agency gave us a 60 day notice to move out, and let me tell you, i was stressed beyond words! I looked at my apartment manager, filled with tears in my eyes, and asked him ” What did we do wrong?! Why do we have to move? We didnt plan on moving for a few years, and planned on renewing the lease!” he gave me no reason, just said that we werent being evicted, they just werent renewing our lease. well, fuck… so i cried for a few days, while frantically looking for a place to move. We looked everywhere from Oceanside, to Chula Vista, and i started to panic… what if we didnt find a place in time? and how the hell will we afford this move in the first place?! we only ever move at tax season because thats when we can afford to move. so anyways, long story short, I finally found us a place! The most perect place I could ever imagine! I FOUND US A HOUSE!!! IN SOLANA BEACH NONETHELESS!!!!!

Well, last week we officially moved in, stressed about everything. Technically we still have the apartment til the end of the month, but the house is much closer to my husbands work (OHMYGOD DID I JUST SAY HOUSE?!?!) so we are here from now on. But man, a lot comes with renting a house! water bills, exterminator bills to kill and get rid of all the poisonus spiders, higher electric bill…. just wow.

Anyways, since moving in, we have been trying so hard to get the house just the way we like it (meaning I have to unpack and reorganize anything that my husband or his mother puts away) because we are trying to get the house in order before my husbands birthday on next saturday, because we are planning on having a housewarming/birthday party on that day so that the whole family can come see our new HOUSE!!!! EEEPP!!!!

Ive gotta say, never in a million years did i think, that at the age of 25 (okay okay 27) id be living in a house, WITH NO ROOMMATES! Oh My God… WE DID IT!!! We reached the goal of being able to raise our son in a house, an actual house! The best part is that we know the rental agency that is renting to us, and they are just as determined as we are to have us stay here for many years to come, well at least til we can buy our own house.

Anyways, besides the move, life has been pretty interesting to say the least. Hubs has decided that he wants to be a truck driver, and i think i finally know what i wanna be… a Respiratory Therapist for Children, so pretty soon here ill be starting online classes, but not until hubs starts his new job, so that we know we can financially afford me going to school, and possibly daycare for any classes that are an on campus requirement. I am just so shocked, and happy, and excited, and EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED!!! The kiddo is hitting the terrible twos, and driving me insane!!!! he has been refusing everything that i cook, when normally he loves my cooking, no matter what it is! tonight he refused to eat his absolute afve, mac and cheese with crispy hot dogs!!! instead he snuck in the kitchen, got in the fridge and grabbed an uncrustables… pb&j…really kid??? peanut butter and freaking jelly! uggghhhh!!!!! and last night, he refused to eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes as well!!!! like seriously this kid is starving himself… but then again when i was around his age the only things I ate were McNuggets and French Fries, so i kinda get it. so, he wins this round. hopefully he gets back to the fruit and veggie loving toddler that i adore lol. (not that I dont adore him now, because I will always adore him, hes just too darn cute to stay angry with lol)

 

Okay Guys, I think thats all for tonight, im exhausted, and weird bugs are landing on my shirt, so its time to escape into the house and sit in front of my cozy new FIREPLACE!!!! While I mindlessly crochet…something… i dunno… ill find something to do..fireplace

 

Night all, and dont forget….

Live, Laugh, Love, Always.

 

The Fear of Baby #2

Okay, so lately me and the hubs have been trying to have baby number two, and as I start to actually think about what all it means to be a mother of two, i start to panic. I’m not so much scared of the birth, or being able to handle terrible twos and having a newborn. Β No, what I’m scared of most is that I wont be enough, that my Son wont feel like he is as loved as he is now, or that I wont be able to give my all, instead be giving each child 50%, and for me that is terrifying! I never want my son or future kids to ever feel that if their siblings weren’t born that maybe id love them more. My son means so freaking much to me! Some of you don’t know this but my two-year old is not my first child, I actually have an almost 9-year-old, but I chose Adoption as I was just too young. But see the difference is, I didn’t raise him, I didnt have two children in my home. I have always been a mother of two but my firstborn is simply not with me, and I’m glad that he has the life that he does. Anyways, I saw Β my second child as a chance to prove that I could be and would be an amazing mother, but this overwhelming fear I have just wont quit! It makes me want to scoop up little spencer and bring him in to my room to cuddle, it makes me want to just hold him and kiss him and squeeze him. I can’t be the only mother with this fear right? I just want to know that I am giving all of my children 100%, not dividing it up among them. They deserve 100%, I just need to reassure myself that this life was made for me, I am meant to be a kick-ass mother and wife, I am meant to stay home and raise my family, I am meant to be a mother, wife, teacher, nurse, counselor, chef, and every other title that comes with being a Stay-At-Home Mom/Wife, and that is exactly what I will be, whether I have one child, or the 4 that me and hubs talk about πŸ™‚ I am SuperWoman!

Life is stressful

Well my family like most young families just starting out, have been struggling to meet ends meat. So we have been trying to come up with ideas on what we can do to be able to afford our own place, and health care. Sure most companies offer health benefits but the prices are outrageous! For a 3 family home it’s close to 1,000$ per month!!! 

Well my husband came home from work with an idea, to become a San Diego Police Officer. Immediately I started to panic, with all the crap going on and police being killed due to some crooked cops making them all look bad, what if someone hurt my husband, or God forbid, he dies in the line of duty!!! I respect him for wanting to choose such a profession but the thought of possibly losing him terrifies me to the very core. I need insight, ideas and advice. I’m so lost on this, but this would mean financial security for our family, we would never again have to worry how we would pay rent. But I just don’t know. Is it worth it? Is it worth possibly losing my husband because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time? Is it worth my son growing up not knowing his father? Is it worth having my son wonder what it would be like if daddy was around? Ugh advice anyone? 

Time flies!!!

Wow! It’s been a very long time since I’ve sat down to write out anything other than bills lists!! So as of most of you know I recently moved to a 2 bedroom apartment, and now my awesome little dude has his own bedroom to play in and terrorize lol! Well since the move, he has perfected walking barefoot, but is still working on walking in shoes lol! He’s talking more, has learned to crawl up on to the couches, and loves his veggies! Kids grow up so fast, so I’ve been just enjoying spending all my free time with my little dude, or with my hubs, and when they are asleep I use that time to crochet πŸ™‚

Β Β Β This is my current WIP for my awesome mother in law who is also a fibro warrior like myself! Her favorite colors along with her favorite flowers πŸ™‚ there will be 12 roses with leaves going up the corners of the blanket when it is completed. My son is so fascinated with my yarn collection, hopefully when he is old enough we can share in my passion of crocheting for loved ones πŸ™‚

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my U.S. Followers btw! My family (hubs, my son and myself) celebrated a day early due to hubs working on thanksgiving (woohoo for time and a half!!) so hubs was able to take a turkey sandwich to work for his lunch πŸ™‚

(My trick to a moist turkey is to add one butter stick cut in slices, shoved under the skin along with orange slices. Try it! It was delicious!!)
My hubs also recently has been growing out his hair on top (he tried growing it all out but his work wouldn’t allow that 😠) and he’s absolutely gorgeous 😍!! Not that he wasn’t already hehe, but it’s a nice change for him considering the (finally!) cold weather in normally sunny San Diego!

Β (This is him and our son Spencer a few days ago before the rain started) (yeah I know Spencer shouldn’t be using a bottle but I cave when he’s in pain from growing 4 molars at once)

Anyways! As always, I hope you all are having a fabulous day and God Bless you all!!
Live.Laugh.Love.Always❀️❀️

Long time no see!

Well I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written here so I thought I’d get my page up to date. So hubby and me found a new, bigger apartment close by, and I am completely dreading the move!!! It’s a lot bigger and my son will have his own room. It’s bitter sweet, it’s good for him to have room to grow as a little human, but I don’t know if this momma is ready to let him lol!!!! He is growing so much every day, he knows how to walk without shoes, with shoes he falls every few steps lol. He has 8 teeth, he is 26 lbs, loves watching learning shows, and spending time with his momma. I can’t believe he is already 14 months old! I swear it feels like I blinked and BAM!!! He’s one year old!!! Where did the time go?! 

Well, another new change happened, we had to regime my pit bull Kahlua once again but this time she has a beautiful yard with wonderful owners who love her and run and play with her all day! ( when they aren’t in school lol ) we still get to see her whenever we want so it’s good for all involved. 

Ahh!! I really need to focus some time on finishing some of my current WIPS so they will be done for Christmas!!! I finished a baby blanket for my nephew and I can’t wait to send it to him!! Check out the pics down below πŸ’πŸΌ
(Ohh! I almost forgot!!! The other day I followed a really neat YouTube tutorial on How to layer your own hair Along with dying my hair burgundy.)  

    
 

its been some time…..

well, ive kinda fallen off the grid for a while, but ive had such a busy schedule I havent had even a minute of time for myself! my family is apartment hunting and let me tell you, moving in the summer makes it impossible to find any decent apartment in San Diego! well, hopefully we finally found the apartment for us! It has a pool, downstairs unit, laundry facilities, and its larger than our current place. All there is left to do is turn in the application and wait for the approval!

Anyways, my kiddo is getting huge! He now fits in 2t clothing, and is basically walking, he communicates, he loves eating anything we eat, and he loves to drink water. Kids grow so fast, I just want him to slow down and be a baby forever. I can’t believe that he is a toddler already, it seems like just yesterday he was born. Being his momma is such a rewarding experience, I wouldnt trade it for the world πŸ™‚ he is the sweetest little boy a momma could ask for, I am truly blessed.

At the end of September, I will finally be seeing a new pain specialist to treat my fibro symptoms, hopefully this dr takes me seriously. Im really looking forward to not being in agony all hours of the day, for once id like just one day, heck even an hour or a few minutes of just minimal pain levels. Anywho, thats all she wrote!

In-Laws…. Need I say more????

So, my mother in law, well shes a piece of work…where to start?

Well, for starters. My son was born with some health issues and because of that, he had to stay in the NICU for his first 3 weeks. I got sent home after week one, and the room he was in didnt have a bed so I couldnt stay with him. When i was discharged she had told me that I could borrow her car to be able to breastfeed him as much as possible because hubby had to work. She lived about 5 minutes (walking) from home to work. When I called her to set up a time to get the car from her, she texted me saying, and I quote: ” but if you have my car, then I cant come down and visit my baby sweetheart!” MEANING MY SON!!!! keep in mind, she cant visit without me or hubby due to nicu rules. Anyways, after that I didnt see her nor did she see my child until he was at least 2 months old. Fast forward a year. Now for the past 6 months we have shut her out due to her demanding that she be allowed to show up at our house every sunday and spend the day with me and my son! Dont get me wrong, I have no issue letting her come over every once in a while, but I will not be told what to do on anyones terms. I am his mother, not her! I have a right to privacy, and I shouldn have to adjust my life to make time for her every sunday from noon til 7pm. Every time she comes over, she throws off my sons schedule by not letting him nap cuz ” we dont nap when grandma visits!” anyways…..

So heres my issue. How do I get her to understand she doesnt make the rules, I DO! its my home my rules, I get no help from her whatsoever and neither does hubby. We support ourselves. I just dont want to feel like a guest in my own home, I have a schedule for my sons naps, feeding times, and bed times. but when she walks in its all about her…. what can I do???

UUUGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

I hate hospitals

So, I’ve been here at my local emergency room since about 8pm and it’s now 1am. All they have done is give me pain meds for the abdomen pain I came in for, and my dr tried to do an ultrasound to see my gall bladder and ha! He couldn’t find it! I just wanna get outta here so I can freaking eat! I’m so frustrated right now. They ordered the ultrasound about an hour into my wait, so I guess it takes 4 hours to get a damn ultrasound!  Gahhh! I wish I had brought my crochet project so I wasn’t so darn bored!

Today has been pretty uneventful, mostly slept today, been in a lot of pain so sleeping is my only outlet to forget the pain. Hubby ran errands today and played with the kiddo. Hopefully I can get home soon and not be in as much pain so I can have a fun day with my son tomorrow πŸ™‚

β™‘~Live Life, Laugh Lots, Love Always~β™‘

Frustration

So I went to pick up the blanket I’m in the process of crocheting and realized the last row was all wrong. Urgh! On a good note things have been just a little better pain wise, the humidity in San Diego has gone away and we are back to our normal amazing weather. It’s days like these I truly am thankful my hubby ignores me when I have sudden urges to leave san diego lol! So my son turns 1 on Wednesday, we have had 2 parties for him so far, and I have this gut feeling that my in laws are going to call last minute and ask us to bring him over to visit blah blah. Just a little back story, my mil freaked out cuz my hubby has never been close with his gpa so didn’t call on his birthday, so mil decided it was appropriate to threaten to show up at my hubby’s work and get him fired if he didn’t call, apologize for being 2 weeks late, and to say happy birthday. Can you say insane?! Ugh!

So now that I have had my rant for the day, I’m gunna watch big bang theory season 3, try yet again to start writing a book or short story, and hope to get some good rest. πŸ™‚

Time flies

I am so amazed at how fast the last year has just flown by! My son is almost 1 year old already, yet it feels like just yesterday I was giving birth to my beautiful,perfect little prince charming that stole my heart forever. Now almost a year later, he’s almost walking, he crawls all over the place getting in to whatever he can get his little hands on! Pretty soon, he will be fully talking, walking, and even talking back. I look forward to watching every precious moment with my sweet little prince. He is so perfect in every way imaginable, I wouldn’t change one single thing, he’s absolutely perfect in every way. I’m the luckiest momma I know. Sweet dreams little man. Tomorrow is another day for learning.