Rest In Paradise 😭

Well, these past few weeks have been extremely rough to say the least. On May 6th at 2:02 pm, my mother left this earth to go live with The Lord and our passed family members. Being the eldest child, (and honestly the only child who gives a shit) it all fell on me to have her memorial at my home, which mostly consisted of my close friends who called her mom. I had to pay for my mothers cremation and her urn and a keepsake necklace (both pictured below). Well the storm of emotions are just starting to settle, and tomorrow… Tomorrow is the day that I pick up my mothers remains, and I swear you would think she’s made of gold! “Oh I need some of her ashes, oh wait no I should get all of her ashes, oh but she promised me I could have some of her ashes when she died”. Are you fucking kidding me?! First off, I don’t have to give anyone a damn thing, she was MY MOTHER!!! She wanted to be made in to a bio tree alongside my grandmother (her mother) when she passes. So no, you don’t get half of her ashes for some dumb shit, her ashes will remain in my possession until my husband and I buy our own home, then her and my grandma will be planted in our backyard. 

The necklace pictured is a sample of what mine will be, except its sterling silver, and it will be my moms fingerprint. They are also giving me the hard copy of her whole hand of finger prints (which one might become a tattoo in the future)

This was the urn that I was drawn to as soon as I walked in to the room filled with sample urns. I was with my best friend Joe, and I walked straight to it. I knew that was the one for her. I looked at the other samples but no, I wanted, she needed that one. It fits her, she loved being around the water, and she was always such a free spirit, it was meant for her, and I made sure that happened. 
I don’t know how I’m gunna handle tomorrow considering it’s almost 5am in San Diego and I’m still trying to get tired. How am I gunna handle holding a metal container filled with my mothers burned up body remains, how can I say, “yeah that’s my mom in there on that shelf.” I just don’t know how I’m gunna do. I’m so grateful that my bestie will be by my side tomorrow and be here to help not only cope with all of this but help me with my kiddo, he doesn’t like seeing mommy cry or get upset so my bestie distracts him in his bedroom with building blocks when I have a meltdown. 

I just have to stay strong, that’s what she would want, is for me to learn from her mistakes and be the best mommy and wife I can possibly be. I’m working on it, it’s my biggest goal, to be the best me for my family, to make her proud up there seeing that I made it, I succeeded, I got everything she ever wanted for me, a wonderful husband, two beautiful sons, and in the future someday a beautiful daughter. 

I’m gunna make it mom! We will celebrate you, and fight for what you always dreamt for us! Ih and p.s. Mom, I think we were closer than the Gilmore Girls ;)Forever And Always, In My Heart ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

This is where my mom was most happy ever, cuddled up with little prince, watching super why, reading books, taking naps. I’m so glad that I have this photo, it is truly the happiest I’ve ever seen her. She was born to be an amazing grandma and she fullfilled both goals ❤️


This is us on Mothers Day 2015, it was such a hard day, she had just gotten out of the hospital and admitted to rehabilitation for leg strength and learning how to eat again etc from being in a coma for 3-4 months, she wasn’t feeling well so I went and bought her a simple black outfit so we had some nice pictures, they made her day! The day started with her depressed and hair matted and needing to shower but unable to get any kind of clean except a sponge bath 😦 but she was so happy to take family photos! I’m glad that made her day. I’ll never forget it.