The Fear of Baby #2

Okay, so lately me and the hubs have been trying to have baby number two, and as I start to actually think about what all it means to be a mother of two, i start to panic. I’m not so much scared of the birth, or being able to handle terrible twos and having a newborn.  No, what I’m scared of most is that I wont be enough, that my Son wont feel like he is as loved as he is now, or that I wont be able to give my all, instead be giving each child 50%, and for me that is terrifying! I never want my son or future kids to ever feel that if their siblings weren’t born that maybe id love them more. My son means so freaking much to me! Some of you don’t know this but my two-year old is not my first child, I actually have an almost 9-year-old, but I chose Adoption as I was just too young. But see the difference is, I didn’t raise him, I didnt have two children in my home. I have always been a mother of two but my firstborn is simply not with me, and I’m glad that he has the life that he does. Anyways, I saw  my second child as a chance to prove that I could be and would be an amazing mother, but this overwhelming fear I have just wont quit! It makes me want to scoop up little spencer and bring him in to my room to cuddle, it makes me want to just hold him and kiss him and squeeze him. I can’t be the only mother with this fear right? I just want to know that I am giving all of my children 100%, not dividing it up among them. They deserve 100%, I just need to reassure myself that this life was made for me, I am meant to be a kick-ass mother and wife, I am meant to stay home and raise my family, I am meant to be a mother, wife, teacher, nurse, counselor, chef, and every other title that comes with being a Stay-At-Home Mom/Wife, and that is exactly what I will be, whether I have one child, or the 4 that me and hubs talk about 🙂 I am SuperWoman!

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