Anxiety and 1st birthdays

So the kiddo is asleep, and I’m watching tv, and BAM! Anxiety hits me like a semi truck. I’m shaking, hyperventilating, can’t breathe, and I start freaking out, I panic, I’m terrified of getting sick like my mom, I’m scared of dying when I’m alone with my son, I’m scared I won’t get to watch him grow up. I was already robbed of watching one son grow up and I refuse to lose out on another. My son means more to me than anything on this earth, I just wanna be healthy, I just wanna be normal. The only thing that calms me is my hubby and he’s at work 😥 I just want him to hold me while I cry it out. Oh well, I gotta fight thru it all.

Btw the point of this blog was supposed to be about the stress of throwing your child’s first birthday…haha I totally spaced while writing in an anxiety fueled blog zone. So my son is turning one on Wednesday and his party is tomorrow at 2pm… his godmother is making his cakes and I have to wrap up presents and put up deco tomorrow, but the thought of people in my house is overwhelming. I’ve never had more than 4 ppl in my home at one time, due to extreme agoraphobia/ anxiety and I’m worried I’ll end up staying in my rook the whole time. Send good vibes guys!

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